


Anthony J Crowley's Perplexing Adventure in Los Angeles

by underworld_capcakes



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Confused Crowley (Good Omens), F/M, Footnotes, Gratuitous use of italics, Humor, M/M, Post-Canon, and capitals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:27:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29657535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underworld_capcakes/pseuds/underworld_capcakes
Summary: "How Crowley ended up in LA, he wasn’t entirely sure, but he was slowly realising that it was a rather terrible idea."In which Crowley plans an extravagant date that takes him and Aziraphale a little way away from home, and very close to Crowley’s boss. Old boss? He’s not entirely sure, this entire encounter is getting a bit strange, even for him.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Anthony J Crowley's Perplexing Adventure in Los Angeles

**Author's Note:**

> a couple of nights ago i found myself musing about the chaos of Crowley bumping into Lucifer and the conversation that follows. then i stumbled upon some crossovers, and couldn't stop smiling for like a whole day. but i still had like two lines of dialogue floating in my head that i couldn't get out unless i added a whole beginning and everything after, and thus, this was born. 
> 
> and because i fell in love with the footnote use in fics like in the book, i had to try it too, having way to much fun in the process. a huge thank you to [this guide](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20192773) for their wonderful tips on adding the footnotes

How Crowley ended up in LA, he wasn’t entirely sure, but he was slowly realising that it was a rather terrible idea. 

While traditions had a certain sentimentality to them, there were only so many times one could visit the same few restaurants - even if they did change up every few years - before there was an itch to try something new. How exactly the idea struck wasn’t really important1. It had seemed like a fun idea at the time, something extravagant and new. And flying wasn’t exactly an obstacle. 

But the idea was no longer seeming so fun. 

Terrifying was rather a better word. 

Crowley always knew this day would come. When his extended period of absence would finally be noted and something more permanent done about it. He’d just tried not to think too much about it, mostly too caught up in enjoying life. 

But it was now seemingly staring him in the face and there’d be no easy way to slither his way out. 

He just didn’t know why it had to be in the queue of a beach side ice cream parlour of all places. 

Earlier that day Crowley had made a dinner reservation at some highly recommended place, but Aziraphale had suggested they spend the afternoon on a walk along the beachside promenade and then as they’d passed the parlour Aziraphale had turned to Crowley with an expression he couldn’t resist. 

So he’d left his angel at one of the tables outside as Crowley stepped inside to see if he could find their regular ice cream order. What he hadn’t expected to find was Satan himself standing in line. 

Despite it being many years since their last encounter, it was hard to forget what he looked like, even if he was now sporting a rather fetching deep blue suit2. 

Crowley had let out something akin to a squeak3 at the sight of him, and of course _he_ ’d noticed. And that was how Crowley came to be under the intense gaze of the Devil. How Lucifer had found him, Crowley could only begin to fathom but there was probably only one thing he wanted. 

Crowley gulped, trying to quell his nerves. It was one thing to abandon Heaven, but even Crowley remembered that the King of Hell didn’t particularly like his demons to frequent Earth. And well, Crowley had been up here for a rather long time4. 

Then Lucifer broke into a grin, and Crowley was actually more terrified5. 

Anger would be one thing, but if he took glee out of the ordeal of dragging Crowley back to Hell it would definitely be something else entirely. 

His poor Angel would never even know what had happened to him. 

“Crawly!” Lucifer exclaimed, stepping out of the ice cream line and making his way over to where Crowley still stood frozen just inside the door. 

“It’s Crowley,” he blurted. And did he really have to say that? Sure, he was particular about people getting the change right6 but it wouldn’t do to anger his boss further. “Uh, Sir,” he hastily added, hoping that could somehow lessen the inevitable anger. 

“Ah, _Crowley_ ,” Lucifer said, that grin still on his face. “And please, there’s no need for such formalities.”

Crowley didn’t particularly feel it would be safe to drop it. He’d already decided to stop serving Hell, but that didn’t mean it was something one advertised to their old boss, lest one faces his wrath. But nevertheless, Crowley stammered out, “Um, okay.”7

“Well, it’s certainly been a long time since I last saw you,” Lucifer said. Crowley didn’t know if he was being hopeful in assuming that his tone didn’t sound too accusing, but there was _something_ there8. “What was it…?”

“Just before Eden,” Crowley blurted out. He silently cursed (blessed?) himself for that. Great, why not bring up just how absent he’s been. But he couldn’t exactly _lie_ to Lucifer. 

“Ah.” Crowley almost thought he saw the Devil pause slightly9, but then he straightened himself, and it was as if nothing had broken his composure. “And then you decided to stay top side for the rest of eternity, didn’t you?”

_And_ there it was. 

Crowley knew it was coming. It had only been a matter of time. After all, wasn’t that why Lucifer was here?10 To strategically ambush him and punish him for his abandonment and drag him back to Hell. 

But something about the way Lucifer said it left Crowley wondering just how long he’d known11. 

So why, Crowley wondered, was he only doing something _now_ of all times?

“Not that I blame you,” Lucifer continued. “Dreadfully dreary place, Hell.”

Was it wise to agree and complain about the King of Hell’s own kingdom straight to his face?12

“That's one way to put it,” Crowley said, tampering down on his fear and hoping his usual drawl came out neutral enough. 

Lucifer laughed. “I mean, that’s why _I_ left.”

That got Crowley to pause. _Lucifer_ ? The _King_ of Hell? _Left Hell_?

Crowley didn’t dare to hope13 that that might mean Lucifer was here just because he wanted to, and not because of Crowley.14

“You…” Crowley paused, still unsure if he wanted to hear why Lucifer was here. But better to know for certain, he reasoned. “You left Hell?”

“Oh yes, quite a while ago actually,” Lucifer said, oddly cheerily. “Though I did recently have to pop back down. But that’s all sorted.” He flashed a grin at Crowley. “And I'm back for good this time.”

So he wasn’t here to send Crowley back to Hell? 

Crowley wasn’t entirely sure. This conversation was making his head spin, and Lucifer didn’t exactly _look_ like he was about to smite him down. 

But then a thought struck him. 

Crowley got a flash of that Terrible Saturday, when he was sure that it was all coming to an end. 

He couldn’t be about to. 

Could he? 

It wasn’t like Lucifer had yet to explain why he’d left and came to earth. But did he even have to explain himself to Crowley, or was Crowley just being too curious for his own good?

Crowley gulped nervously. “You’re not about to...?”

He trailed off, not sure it would be wise to ask, lest he hear an answer he didn’t want to. Who knew what the Devil was planning. 

Lucifer raised an eyebrow at him. “About to... what?”

To Hell with it, Crowley thought. Maybe it would be better to be prepared. And then at least he could try to stop it. Again. Was it even possible to stop the Apocalypse twice? 

“You know -“ Crowley couldn’t believe he was about to ask this “- end the world?”

A funny expression flickered across Lucifer's face that Crowley couldn’t quite identify, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. 

“What?” Lucifer let out, a frown creasing his brow. “Why would I want to do that?”

Crowley shifted uncomfortably. He realised he’d finally overstepped that invisible line into Dangerous Territory, and he’d have to backpedal quickly to diffuse what could only be a side of the Devil he’d rather not have to see this afternoon. 

“Well, there was that last time,” Crowley supplied, mentally slapping himself for definitely not helping the situation despite his better instincts telling him to stay quiet. 

Lucifer's face hardened. 

“That wasn’t my doing,” he snapped. “I wasn't behind it all.” 

Lucifer’s gaze shifted out across the street outside the shop and then murmured something to himself softly. Crowley was sure he wasn’t supposed to have heard, but his ears picked it up anyway and he was sure he heard something that sounded suspiciously like, “This place is my home. I’d never want to destroy it.”

Crowley was getting more baffled. This was not at all how expected an encounter with Lucifer to go. But things were also starting to maybe make more sense. 

“Then how..?” Crowley couldn’t help but ask. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Lucifer bit out, clearly indicating an end to this particular line of questions. He gave a slight nod of his head to Crowley, and added, softer, “But I’m glad it never happened.” 

Just then a little girl, about ten years old if Crowley had to guess, ran into the shop and right up to the Devil, nearly crashing into his side. 

“Lucifer!” the child said, tugging on Lucifer’s sleeve. “Mommy’s wondering what’s taking so long. And frankly, so am I. You promised me chocolate ice cream.”

Crowley's eyes widened behind his sunglasses, his brain catching on that one word, and the familiar ease with which the child had addressed Lucifer. To Hell with not wanting to destroy the world, Crowley knew what a child of the Devil meant. After all, he’d tried to intervene last time, but this situation seemed a tad bit different. And this child seemed a lot closer to Apocalypse-rearing age. 

“Is that...?” Crowley couldn’t even say it. 

“Not mine,” Lucifer hurriedly said15. “I'm just a Step Devil of sorts.”

Crowley sighed, too relieved that he wouldn’t have to yet again face The End Of The World, to note the peculiarity of a concept such as a Step Devil.

Just then the girl looked up, noticing Crowley. 

“Are you a friend of Lucifer’s?” she asked. 

Crowley crouched down slightly. “Well, you could say we knew each other, back in the day.”

The child leaned in conspirationaly, casting a glance up at Crowley’s sunglasses. 

“Ooh.” A strange sort of excitement filled her face. “Like way, _way_ back?”

“Ah yes,” Lucifer smiled down at the child. “Crowley is an old friend. One who had a rather enlightening idea about the wonders of life on Earth.” He looked like he didn’t want to go into much more detail than that and turned to address Crowley. “But we must be going. Can’t keep the Detective waiting. And I did make a deal with this urchin on that ice cream, and the Devil always keeps his word.”

Lucifer placed a hand on the child’s shoulder, guiding her to the ice cream bar. 

Crowley watched them order, utterly perplexed at this whole encounter. Not only was the Devil rather cheery about the whole Crowley-Living-On 

-Earth-Thing, but it appeared that he was now too. And it was clearly a rather permanent arrangement, given his apparent preference for life on Earth and the fact that he appeared to be involved with someone, if the step child was anything to go by. 

As Lucifer and the girl headed out the door, ice creams in hand, Lucifer flashed a smile at crowley. 

“Enjoy LA,” he said as he passed and Crowley took it as final confirmation that Lucifer wasn’t out to send him back to Hell. 

The shop bell rang as the door closed behind Lucifer and Crowley followed his path with his eyes. Through the shop window he saw the Devil cross the street and walk over to a blond woman standing near the edge of the sand, who he passed the second ice cream in his hand to with a kiss to her cheek16.

It dawned on Crowley why Lucifer might want to leave Hell. Like he’d said, it _was_ rather a dreary place. And Crowley could only assume how lonely it would have been, especially after all those years17. Crowley hadn’t been there for that long, before deciding Earth and a Particular Angel was where he belonged, but he was sure that it could only have gotten worse over the centuries; Hell now filled with the screams of thousands of tortured souls and hordes of demons deprived of a world ending war they surely would have loved18. 

From what Crowley could remember, Lucifer had always been a vibrant soul, seeking life and all its pleasures. Hell was just as much his punishment as it was his Kingdom. So it wasn’t a stretch to assume that maybe the Devil had been looking for something more? Stepping out of the confines of his throne and looking for a life of his own; looking for a place he could really call a home, and friends and love to go with it.

After all, hadn’t Crowley been searching for something similar for all his years on Earth, only to finally see it right beside him19.

Crowley shook his head, trying to shrug off the strangeness of it all. He turned back to the ice cream counter, remembering his angel outside.

-

1\. Crowley would deny searching for ‘Romantic Date Locations’ but the evidence was still in his internet search history.[back]

2\. Even for trips to the beach with sticky urchins, Lucifer would always maintain his now favoured standards of dress.[back]

3\. He’d never admit that though, it being something rather undignifying and all.[back]

4\. If one wanted specifics, it should be noted that a long time meant since The Beginning. But then it should also be noted that it was only due to Crowley’s boss’s instruction to go upstairs and “make trouble”. Though the staying part was all Crowley’s decision, even if it was swayed in that direction with the meeting of a Certain Angel.[back]

5\. Lucifer didn’t know this of course, and even if he did, he’d see no reason for this terror. He himself was rather delighted to see Crowley. He’d been one of the few friendly faces in Hell, before he left, and Lucifer was genuinely happy to see him again. After all, they had quite a lot in common, what with falling in love with Earth and all.[back]

6\. Especially because he’d been going by Crowley for many more millenia than he’d gone by Crawly. But to be fair, he hadn’t ever crossed paths with Lucifer in all that time.[back]

7\. He’d also deny said stammering, as well as the way his voice nearly squeaked at the end of the word.[back]

8\. That something was much closer to delight and intrigue than any sort of Hell born anger.[back]

9\. Back then, Lucifer had decided to follow discreetly behind Crowley and see what all the fuss about The Garden was. It had been his first encounter with humanity, one that he’d recently had a repeat of. While in the end they’d separated on slightly strained terms, he did hope that Eve too could find her place on Earth, in the same ways he had, with a sense of belonging and contentment.[back]

10\. It most definitely wasn’t, but Crowley didn’t know that. Lucifer was in fact here - here being the ice cream shop - because it was a Sunday, the Detective’s day off and therefore Lucifer’s day off, and they’d both been persuaded that the best use for the day and it’s sunshine was a place far too sandy for Lucifer’s liking, even if that particular beach held certain meaningful memories.[back]

11\. He’d known since The Beginning.[back]

12\. Well at least it was _this_ face, not the other slightly redder one.[back]

13\. That’s a lie, Crowley was very much hoping.[back]

14\. It also then begged the question as to _why_ Lucifer was _here_ though, in an ice cream shop in LA. But it wasn’t Crowley’s place to judge the Devil’s desires.[back]

15\. Lucifer liked Beatrice well enough, but he still remained firm in his lack of desire to procreate. And not only because of the whole ‘Antichrist ends the world’ thing, or his disdain for sticky children, but there were certain doubts he held about his ability to possibly be a good parent. Despite all things said against the Douche, Lucifer was certain he filled the role as a parent better than Lucifer ever could.[back]

16\. Chloe could still remember a Lucifer who would tense up anytime someone so much as attempted to hug him, or who would freeze up at any unexpected touches; a Lucifer so unused to simple gestures of physical intimacy in a non sexual context. She knew it was partly because it was something he hadn’t experienced in all his years in Hell, both because of the innate horrors of the place and because there was simply no one to share it with. But there’d been a notable shift ever since he’d come back from his trip Down Below (and if she was being honest, maybe even before then). 

Chloe wouldn’t necessarily call it clingy, but Lucifer was definitely more at ease whenever Ella tackled him (all complaints more out of habit) and he was seemingly finding every excuse to be close to Chloe, whether it was a guiding hand on her back as they walked up to a crime scene, an arm draped across her shoulder as he leaned over to read something on her computer or simply reaching out to brush their fingers together, and that’s still without noting the way he’d hold onto her at night.[back]

17\. The other demons weren’t really the friendliest.[back]

18\. And Crowley didn’t even know about the demons’ little uprising that led to the kidnapping of a certain half angel baby.[back]

19\. It had always been there, right from The Beginning, but both him and Aziraphale had been a bit slow in realising it, and even slower in doing anything about it. But it was there nonetheless, that feeling of _home_ that came from every time they shared lunch at the Ritz, every bottle of well aged wine they shared or every quiet evening spent in the bookshop, wrapped up in each other’s company. Crowley had found a home in the arms of an angel who he so dearly loved.[back]

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to everyone who read this. i hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it x
> 
> [my tumblr](https://underworld-capcakes.tomblr.com)


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